What would you do differently from what you do now?
I have never made any mistakes and refuse to engage with the premise of the question.
Who inspires you and why?
When I was growing up I lived next to a boy named Glen Rose. Our paths crossed one afternoon in the park and soon after we were best friends. Inseparable. We’d hang out every day after school and every weekend. We went to the same high school and chose all the same subjects. In year 10 we started selling light narcotics and got super rich. But we got in too deep. Caught up with the wrong crowd. Every day our lives were in danger. Glen saw a way out and he took it. Ratted me out to the fuzz. I spent 3 years in the can and after I got out I hired a hitman to kill him for betraying me. I can’t say the name of the hitman but that’s who inspires me.
What would you do to make a difference in the world?
Smile at everyone you see and wish them a good day. This will help you build trust and goodwill which you can use to start an uprising and overthrow the government.
Favourite holiday destination and why?
The South China Sea and why not?
When friends come to town, what attraction would you take them to, and why?
What are you currently reading?
The poetry of Gustav Eidling.
What are you currently listening to?
The poetry of Gustav Eidling (audiobook).
The poetry of Gustav Eidling (seriously look him up).
What does the future hold for you?
I see myself on a secluded beach somewhere, lying on the sand. Cut off from civilization. No noise. No schedule. No food. No water. No rescue on the way. Days to live. How did I get here? Where did I go wrong? That’s when I see something buried in the sand. A small brown triangle, barely visible in the harsh sunlight. I rush over and begin to dig. Soon emerges the unmistakable shape of a book. I lift it out. It’s thick and sturdy. Old leather jacket, pages worn and discoloured. My hands shaking, I stumble to the shore and scrub the cover clean. It’s so faint it’s almost unreadable. Etchings worn away with time. But to me, the words shine vivid and clear. The Poetry of Gustav Eidling. Moments later I die of dehydration.
Reuben presents an evening of off-beat stand-up in Palindrome – which plays Hell’s Kitchen at Rhino Room, as part of the 2023 Adelaide Fringe: 14 – 18 March. For more information, visit: www.adelaidefringe.com.au for details.
Image: Reuben Solo (supplied)