On the Couch with Hayden Hayes

Hayden Hayes AAR On the CouchWho is Hayden Hayes?
Hayden Hayes is co-founder of Limelight Department Theatre Company in Melbourne. The company was formed as an opportunity for artists to show quality, creative work – as Hayden has a background in acting and studied it for many years. Hayden is also a writer, and produced his own full-length play, Untitled Three-Hander, last year. Recently, he published his debut fictional novel, Regiopolis.

What would you do differently from what you do now?
I would probably take life less seriously. And be more diligent in finding all those glass houses that people keep throwing stones at.

Who inspires you and why?
My inspiration come from when others are inspired by me… And my local butcher Gustav, as he always has such wise proverbs and views on life that fascinate me when we ultimately get stuck in conversations as he thinly slices the prosciutto I’ve just ordered.

What would you do to make a difference in the world?
That’s easy. First, I would start making friends with my inner circle; befriending them until I become their greatest source of happiness. Then, I would extend this to friends of friends, until I’ve influenced many people. Through this I would run for a political party, and because I have such strong relationships with others, I would be easily voted in.

There, I would start getting people inside the party to turn on each other, creating a civil war amongst the party until things get so bad that the party begs to be rescued as they would be desperate, and in need of help and saving. I would then swoop in as the saviour and easily become head of the party.

And now, with a political party eating up every word I say, and in good public standing as I’ve influenced most people with my incredible charm, I would be elected prime minister. With this power I’d now have, I would immediately start looking to making our country bigger and more revenue-generating.

To do this I would begin looking to overthrow other countries, starting with smaller countries first and then once we have complete control of them, I would move to the bigger countries – creating stronger and stronger armies as we went along.

However, there would be no need for a fight when taking over these countries as my charm would be enough to convince them. Finally, after having achieved world domination, I would make everyone throw away every puffer jacket in existence so that we may be viewed as more stylish by the aliens watching us.

Favourite holiday destination and why?
Mexico – specifically San Cristobal de las Casas. It’s a small town in-between large mountains where one can wander, get lost or get inspired. However, it is run by many dangerous cartel gangs so try not to wander too far.

When friends come to town, what attraction would you take them to, and why?
I immediately take them to the bathrooms on the 35th floor of the Sofitel building. They feature floor to wall windows with immaculate views of Melbourne. There is something so attractive with attending business so high up overlooking such a large and beautiful land space.

What are you currently reading?
Regiopolis by Me. And How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days: The Universal Don’ts of Dating by Michele Alexander and Jeannie Long.

What are you currently listening to?
100 National Anthems Around, of, and from the World
’ by Navy Band. With the Albanian anthem most certainly being a standout.

Happiness is?
To be at peace with yourself, and where you are in life… Unless where you are in life isn’t too crash hot, then I think it’s probably okay to be heaps sad about it.

What does the future hold for you?
Hopefully a lot less of what has gotten me to this point. And a whole lot more of something else entirely different.

Hayden is the co-founder of Limelight Department Theatre Company – who are presenting Meurants Lane at La Mama HQ from 21 May – 2 June 2024. For more information, visit: www.lamama.com.au for details.

Image: Hayden Hayes (supplied)